There’s something about first dates that feels like queuing for bubble tea on a hot day — the anticipation, the sugar rush, and the mild panic that maybe you’ve made a terrible choice. You’ve showered, picked an outfit that says “I tried but not too hard,” and rehearsed a few safe questions: “So, what do you do?”, “Do you like cats?”, “Where did you study?” (Singaporeans can’t resist that last one).
But the truth is: sometimes, we already know from the first ten minutes that something feels off. Call it intuition, call it social conditioning, or maybe it’s your amygdala whispering, “Run.”
The question isn’t just about spotting red flags — it’s about knowing what to do when you see one flapping wildly in your face like a $5 umbrella in Orchard Road rain.
1. The Date Who Talks Like a Podcast
You’ve barely sipped your drink, and they’ve already narrated their entire life story — complete with their gym routine, ex’s star sign, and investment portfolio. Every time you try to contribute, they nod politely before launching into “Anyway, back to me.”
A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2018) found that people who dominate conversations often perceive themselves as more likeable than they actually are. The audience, meanwhile, silently plans their exit strategy.
What to do:
Channel your inner talk show host. Interrupt gently but confidently — “That’s interesting! But what about…?” Or, if you’re feeling bold, say, “You’re quite the storyteller — I’m still on episode one!” It’s cheeky but direct.
If that fails, message your friend with a discreet “Send me a fake emergency.” Every Singaporean knows that code.
2. The Flirt Who’s Window-Shopping
You’re mid-sentence about your favourite hawker stall when their eyes dart past you — twice, thrice — scanning the room like they’re on a dating app in real life.
According to psychologist Monica Moore’s early studies on courtship behaviour (Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 1985), eye contact is the first sign of romantic focus. Breaking it repeatedly signals disinterest or distraction.
What to do:
You can’t train someone to be present. If you feel like you’re competing with everyone else in the café, take it as data, not drama. Finish your drink, thank them politely, and ghost like a pro. You’re not rude — you’re practising emotional efficiency.
3. The Nice-to-Waiter Test
How someone treats service staff says more about them than how they treat you on a first date. The reason’s simple: one is performance, the other is instinct.
Research from Personality and Individual Differences (2019) links kindness to strangers with long-term relational stability — it’s empathy without agenda. So if your date snaps at the waiter or acts like they’re auditioning for “The Devil Wears Prada: Hougang Edition,” that’s not a quirk. That’s a preview.
What to do:
Don’t rationalise bad manners. You don’t need to scold them — just don’t book date number two. No amount of “He’s nice once you get to know him” will change how someone treats others when they think you’re not watching.
4. The Ex Who Still Haunts the Table
If your date mentions their ex more than once before dessert, you’re not on a date — you’re in a sequel you didn’t audition for.
A 2017 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that unresolved attachments can bleed into new relationships, creating emotional rebound loops. Basically, you end up being the human tissue box for someone else’s heartbreak.
What to do:
You don’t have to play therapist. Smile, empathise, and mentally mark this one as “Still Under Construction.” Text your friends after: “Not ready for love. Maybe ready for therapy.”
5. The “Let’s Get Drunk First” Strategist
Some people loosen up with a drink; others loosen their entire sense of judgement. If they insist on ordering round after round before you’ve even hit the appetisers, that’s a sign they’re here for escape, not connection.
The Addictive Behaviors Journal (2015) notes that alcohol use on first dates often predicts avoidance tendencies — a subconscious need to numb vulnerability. That’s not romance; that’s self-medication with a garnish.
What to do:
Pace yourself and politely decline the third round. If they pressure you (“Come on, don’t be so uptight”), congratulate yourself for dodging a future headache — literally and metaphorically.
6. The “Too Good to Be True” Charmer
Ah, the classic. They look like they stepped out of a skincare ad, say all the right things, and leave you feeling like you’re the lucky one. And maybe you are — or maybe you’re in danger of falling for what psychologists call halo effect bias (Thorndike, 1920). When we find someone physically attractive, we unconsciously assign them other positive traits, like honesty or kindness.
What to do:
Pause the fantasy. Ask yourself: “Do I like this person, or do I like how I feel when they like me?” That question has saved more hearts than any dating app filter.
And if you do realise you’re being swept up, no shame — every Singaporean has, at some point, been blinded by either love or good lighting.
When in Doubt, Exit with Grace
The pandemic taught us one thing: it’s okay to cancel plans if something doesn’t feel right. The same logic applies to dating.
You don’t owe anyone a second date, an explanation, or a self-sacrificing “maybe I misread things.”
There’s a fine line between being open-minded and being a doormat dressed in optimism.
So when you see a red flag, don’t just stare at it and analyse its shade of crimson — take it as a signal to walk, run, or politely thank them before hopping into a Grab home.
Then, message your group chat, debrief over teh peng, and laugh about it. Because if you can’t find “the one” just yet, you can at least find the story — and that’s half the fun of dating in Singapore.
Written by: Adi Jamaludin
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