There’s a phrase many of us Malay-Muslims grow up hearing: “Sentiasalah bersyukur.” Always be grateful. We’re told that every blessing, every comfort, every convenience is a gift — and the correct response is Alhamdulillah. In Islam, syukur sits at the heart of faith. It is a state of awareness, a grounding, a constant reminder that nothing we have is truly ours. Even the breath we take is borrowed.
But somewhere along the way, this beautiful spiritual concept got tangled up with something else entirely — complacency, silence, and in many cases, emotional blackmail.
Because in our society, being thankful is not always about gratitude. Sometimes, it becomes an instruction. A warning. A weapon.
And that’s where the problem begins.
Syukur Is Not Complacency
Islam has never asked us to sit still and call it piety.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us that tying your camel comes before trusting in God. A hadith narrated in Tirmidhi tells of a man who asked the Prophet whether he should leave his camel untied and trust in Allah. The Prophet replied:
“Tie your camel and then put your trust in Allah.”
If that isn’t the clearest rejection of complacency, I don’t know what is.
Being grateful doesn’t mean being stagnant. It doesn’t mean flattening yourself into a shape that fits the expectations of everyone around you. Syukur is about acknowledging the blessings you have, yes, but it is also about using those blessings responsibly — which includes self-growth, ambition, striving, and wanting better for your life.
How many times have we heard people say:
“Just be grateful lah, why want more?”
“Don’t complain, at least you have a job.”
“You got into Poly already — why still aiming for university?”
“You’re lucky you even got this opportunity.”
As if wanting to improve your life makes you ungrateful.
Islamic scholars throughout history — from Al-Ghazali to Ibn Qayyim — remind us that true gratitude is reflected through action, not passivity. To be grateful is to nurture what you have, to develop it, to elevate it. It is the opposite of settling.
Syukur Is Not Indebtedness
Here’s where things get even more complicated — the idea that being grateful means you owe someone your silence, your loyalty, or your compliance.
You know the type.
The people who do you a favour and then expect you to be forever at their service. The ones who throw “I helped you last time, you know” like confetti at every opportunity. The ones who expect your gratitude to turn into servitude.
Some even use their past kindness to shut you up when you point out wrongdoing.
And if you dare speak up? Suddenly you are the ungrateful one. Derhaka.
Cue the Malay dramatics. Cue Tanggang turning into stone. Cue emotional hostage-taking worthy of a 90s Suria telemovie.
But this — this is not gratitude. This is manipulation.
In Islam, helping someone is an act between you and God. Not you and your ego. A verse in the Quran (Surah Al-Insan) describes the righteous as those who help others saying:
“We feed you for the sake of Allah alone — we desire from you neither reward nor thanks.”
Imagine that. A whole divine value system built on the idea that kindness does not demand repayment.
So why do some people act like their good deeds come with lifelong subscription fees?
Kindness should not be ammunition. Gratitude should not be a cage. And nobody should hold another human being hostage with the weight of a favour.
The Asian Twist: When Gratitude Becomes a Survival Skill
Now, throw all of this into an Asian cultural blender — specifically Southeast Asian culture — and the story becomes even messier.
Here, gratitude isn’t simply a virtue. It’s an expectation. A moral obligation. A measurement of your worth as a child, a student, a friend, an employee.
We are told,
“Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu.”
Heaven lies beneath your mother’s feet.
A powerful saying, often attributed to a hadith (with various scholarly debates on its strength), but usually weaponised without the companion teaching that parents are also accountable for their behaviour. The Quran clearly states, more than once, that while children must be respectful, parents must be just, kind, and gentle.
But in many households, the interpretation becomes:
“Your parents can treat you like trash, but you still better be grateful. Otherwise, you are a terrible child.”
And suddenly “syukur” becomes an excuse to tolerate emotional neglect, verbal abuse, guilt trips, and unreasonable demands.
This isn’t spirituality.
This is intergenerational trauma dressed up as piety.
Gratitude With Eyes Wide Open
I’m not saying gratitude is unimportant. Astaghfirullah, far from it. Syukur is one of the most beautiful parts of our faith and culture. It teaches humility. It awakens contentment. And it keeps the heart soft.
But we need to reclaim its meaning.
Being thankful does not mean staying quiet.
Being thankful does not mean accepting mistreatment.
Being thankful does not mean abandoning your dreams.
Being thankful does not mean you stop growing.
Real syukur is active, not passive. It fuels movement, not stagnation. It encourages healthy boundaries, not blind obedience.
I believe we need to teach our children, our communities, our leaders — even ourselves — that gratitude is not the opposite of ambition. And it is definitely not the same as indebtedness.
Maybe it’s time we updated some of our favourite cultural sayings.
Not rewritten — just reframed.
Instead of “Heaven lies beneath your mother’s feet,” perhaps we can start saying:
“Heaven lies beneath the feet of a mother who nurtures with love, and a child who responds with kindness — both accountable, both blessed.”
Because gratitude is a two-way street.
And kindness is never meant to be a weapon.
The Final Thought
If you’ve been taught that gratitude means shrinking yourself — reclaim it.
If someone has used “be thankful” to silence you — name it.
If you’re afraid that wanting more makes you ungrateful — reject it.
Even Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both.”
(Narrated by Muslim)
Strength is encouraged. Growth is rewarded. Striving is blessed.
Be thankful.
Be ambitious.
Be kind — but not captive.
That, to me, is the real meaning of syukur.
Written by: Adi Jamaludin
0 comments:
Post a Comment