Chinese New Year is a time of reunion, celebration, and, of course, an endless stream of food and conversation. Families gather, stories are exchanged, and traditions are passed down from one generation to the next. But amidst the well-meaning chatter of uncles, aunties, and elders, there lies an unspoken truth: words have power. And sometimes, without realizing it, these words can cut deeper than intended—especially when directed at the young ones.
The Weight of Words: "I Think, Therefore I Am"
The philosopher Immanuel Kant once said, “I think, therefore I am.” This statement, while a cornerstone of philosophy, also holds weight in our daily lives. The way we perceive ourselves is often shaped by the things people say to us. Young minds, in particular, are impressionable; a single comment about their appearance, their weight, or their achievements can linger, shaping their self-esteem and mental well-being for years to come.
In many Asian cultures, there exists a paradox: parents urge children to eat more—"finish your food, don’t waste it!"—yet, in the same breath, relatives comment on how they should stay slim. "Wah, you put on weight ah?" or "Why so skinny? You don’t eat enough?" These words, often spoken in jest, plant the seeds of unhealthy eating habits and body image issues that can last a lifetime.
The Unseen Impact: A Culture of Comparison
Many conversations at the dinner table revolve around comparisons. Who has the best grades? Who secured the highest-paying job? Who got married first? These questions, while seemingly harmless, reinforce a culture of competition rather than encouragement. Children grow up feeling as though their worth is measured by external achievements rather than their character, kindness, or passions.
Instead of this, why not reframe the conversation? There are countless ways to start meaningful discussions without resorting to weight, academic success, or career comparisons. The internet offers a million ways to initiate a decent conversation. A simple search can yield countless conversation starters that are fun, engaging, and, most importantly, non-harmful.
Games as Icebreakers
Rather than defaulting to the usual small talk about weight and achievements, why not introduce games that make interactions more enjoyable? Here are a few suggestions:
“Two Truths and a Lie” – Each person states three facts about themselves, with one being false. The others must guess which one is the lie. This sparks curiosity and allows family members to learn new things about one another.
“Would You Rather” – A fun way to understand personalities, this game presents players with two choices, e.g., "Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible?" It creates lighthearted conversations without judgment.
“Memory Lane” – Each family member shares a cherished childhood memory. This game fosters nostalgia and strengthens family bonds, steering conversations away from superficial comparisons.
A Lesson from Chinese Folklore: The Tale of Zhi Nu and Niu Lang
In Chinese mythology, the tale of Zhi Nu, the weaver girl, and Niu Lang, the cowherd, serves as a reminder that words—and actions—shape destiny. The lovers were separated by the heavens, only allowed to meet once a year on the Qixi Festival. Some say it was because of the critical and unkind words spoken about them. While this tale is a love story, it holds a deeper lesson: the words we speak can either build bridges or create insurmountable distances between people.
In the same way, the words we say to our nieces, nephews, and young relatives can either encourage them to thrive or instill insecurities that take years to undo.
A More Thoughtful Chinese New Year
As we enter another year, let’s reflect on the impact of our words. Conversations don’t have to revolve around weight, grades, or career milestones. There are infinite ways to engage with younger family members meaningfully, to uplift rather than criticize.
So, the next time you’re tempted to comment on a child’s weight or compare them to their cousins, take a pause. Choose words that empower. After all, what we say today may become the inner voice they hear for the rest of their lives. Let’s make that voice a kind one.
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