Today could be the most dreadful day when your other half called/texted/told you in the face that he or she wants out of the relationship. For a moment, everything suddenly goes in slow motion, and everything you heard is muffled and sounded almost dream-like. You didn’t know what to think or feel. You feel numbed. You stood there frozen. And for a moment, you’re in this warped time zone, between reality and fantasy. You see flashes of happy and sad moments playing harmoniously, fast and furious in-front of your eyes. And when everything goes back to normal, you know you’d be single, and therefore you try darn hard to hang on to this moment, forgetting to breathe.
“From the first moment that you have the wind knocked out of you by hearing in one way or another that the relationship is over, you must ruthlessly prioritize doing as little as possible,” writes Delphine Hirsh in The Girls’ Guide to Surviving a Break-Up. “By that I mean you must accept that you are in shock and that you should expect nothing from yourself other than to keep breathing.”
Yes. That’s what Ms Hirsh said. But if I were in your shoes, I would try hard to break out of that dreadful time-warped zone as soon as possible so that I can deliver the hardest punch/ slap across your other- half’s face, for wasting your time and effort to be in the relationship. Either that, or a kick to the groin. Cos face it, after today, you might not be able to get the chance to do it and you’ll be mopping around asking yourself: Why didn’t you?
After you’re able to do that, then read on these 10 tips on Surviving a Heartbreak to be on your way to reacovery!
#10- Stay off the ice-cream, chocolates, carbs and fat-laden comfort food. I know that most characters in movies like to do that clichéd “Oh look at me, I am depress and therefore I am eating a tub of ice-cream to make myself feel better and remain slim and slender still!” In real life, you don’t stay slim and slender by eating junks like a tub of ice cream. All those food will just go to your love handles and your butts. You’re already feeling like shit, and the last thing you’d wanna do is to make yourself feel shittier by growing sideways.
#9- Go to the gym. Think of all the hurtful things he or she said or did. Feel angry and frustrated. Go ahead, you have the licence to feel so. Next use these anger and frustration to carry heavier weights or run faster on the treadmill. If you take up kick boxing classes in the gym, kick and punch harder, imagine that you’re doing those nasty moves on his/ her faces!
#8- A lot of people say go out and shop! But they never tell you what you should shop for. First you should shop for a new wardrobe. Jeans, t-shirts, skirts, shirts- and make sure these clothes help to accentuate the body parts you are most proud of. It could be your butts, chests/ breasts and your legs. Shop for make up to, to make yourself look prettier and to help cover the puffiness around your eyes from the crying in those sleepless nights. Also buy perfumes, cos nice smells apparently help to alleviate one’s mood.
#7- Go for a haircut. Highlight or dye your hair. Be crazy with it cos you’re licenced to. Don’t listen to suggestions of haircuts or colours from your ex(es) or friends. Go reckless! Go bizarre, cos you might not get this opportunity again, as friends and families are usually less critical of your bad hair days if they knew about your break-up. Other days, if you try to go bizarre, you’re obviously asking for yourself to be run over by the Sembcorp lorries*!
*-- Sembcorp Lorries are lorries that carry garbage in Singapore.
#6 – Take up an educational degree, so that you can remind yourself that the only stupidity you had was your other half. Once you managed to get a degree, brag it to your ex(es) and show him or her that life just gets better without him/her.
#5- From #8 and #7, you might get financially broke, which is a good thing cos you will have less money to eat junks, and thus be on your way to a slimmer and better looking you. Some people say “embrace your curves”, but I say why embrace your curves when you can look hot, get yourself hooked and embrace other people’s curves instead?
#4- Stay away from the news. Your life at the moment is depressing enough, you don’t need to hear news about ministerial pay cuts, SMRT breakdowns, or floods in Orchard Road or end of the world coming in 2012, to make you feel shittier.
#3- Indulge in music that you love. Hard rock, punk, RnB. Whatever. Music helps you connect to your emotions. Happy music makes you happy. Sad music makes you cry, and after the crying you’d feel better.
#2- Buy empty glass bottles or glasses and throw them against the walls. There is something therapeutic with the sound of shattering glasses. But please don’t put your ex(es) photos or pictures on the walls with the hope that you can smash the bottles or glasses against the pictures/ photos. You’ll feel more depress if you miss the target.
#1- Get your friends together and just talk about it. Talk about the pain and misery and get it out of your system!
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